Thoughts

Enroute

in

and so this then is my realization. 
 

to know oneself is something. 

but to know oneself with another is something else entirely altogether.
 

and what is more, a farther reaching wonder, is that in the grasping for this true unshakable knowledge, a necessity in this life, is whether or not this is a knowing you can achieve before you’re with someone.

or if it’s something that you aren’t able to truly know, truly learn, truly grasp, until you are tested and tried by the during-process-enroute of being with someone.

The Journey

in

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver's work has been popping up in my life a lot lately. A friend recently mentioned this poem and after reading it, and loving it, I looked up an analysis which helped me love it even more.

I hope you are staying strong in your journey friend.
That you are brave enough to not only recognize it's direction, but brave enough to walk it. 

At Twenty Five

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i felt as though my twenty fourth year was one filled with more growth than i've ever experienced.
i know i felt similarly about twenty three, though not necessarily so in regards to my earlier twenties. 
in comparison, having reached the first mark of the "mid twenties", i feel like I can truly say that this past year has been even more so immensely stretching and challenging in ways i wasn't aware were possible. i wrote about a lot of those things on here which, in past years, i would never even have come close to sharing or being vulnerable about.
however, i've learned the opposite of pride is vulnerability.
essentially saying: t h i s   i s   w h o   i   a m
which, in it's essence, is a lesson that ties together all of the others i've learned.
it's one i've become braver and louder about proclaiming.
in contemplating the things i'm bringing into twenty five, the list was very very long... but most of what came to mind was actually referenced in past blog posts. 
so, i decided to essentially sum up the majority of the biggest and most important posts from my thoughts category here on the blog and summarize my year's growth that way.
if you care to read more on the below thoughts, just click the links to read the original posts.
 



a t   t w e n t y   f i v e


the importance of small just-right things.
 


the importance of shopping small --- a topic that has taken root in my heart so deeply, especially this past year. please read this post if you read any. another related thought is to grow in what it looks like to not stand above reaching down to those less fortunate, but stand beside them hand in hand.



that voice will call you home when you realize no other will truly lead you there.



the art of slow living --- which has been such a huge aspect and shift in not only my business but my lifestyle day-to-day. i'm very excited for the related topics that i will be sharing more in line with this in the upcoming year. (also read my article that was published in this issue of somerset life magazine to learn more)

 

creativity is often in the presence of fear. and sometimes constraints bring about creativity.
 

to never forget who you are and where you came from.



really and truly in the most real way imaginable for the first time ever, how valuable home is. and that sometimes there's more than one. and how even in their familiarity, there are constantly new revelations about them.



there will always be hurt. but you were born with a light in you that no darkness can extinguish.

 

small resolves speak volumes.

 

what to do when you're overwhelmed and spreading yourself too thin.



books will always be one of the most important things to me. making time for reading should always remain a priority.



the extreme importance of solitude. another post i strongly encourage you to read if you read any at all....
 


you don't tell the ocean to behave. #dontbehave



how to just be.



identify who they are and why it is that the opinion of one is masked as that of many in our minds. 



what perfectionism truly is and the lies it tells us when we choose to listen to it. and that imperfections are not inadequacies



to practice courage.



a conscious practicing of awareness and appreciation is in order to not take that which is comfortable and familiar for granted. it's a kind of latitude. where you orient yourself in relation to your experiences and how you choose to let them affect you.

 

how to make it.

 

how to begin getting past a block.

 

some unfinished thoughts can often help complete others.
 


howl at the moon.

 

what acceptance looks like. and how i feel most beautiful in the morning.

 

i am uncomfortable with other women degrading their beauty in the wake of my own.


how valuable it is to find and hold onto the people who feel like us. and recognizing it. a kind of recognition.



oh, and also how to do a headstand.

 

//
At Twenty Four
At Twenty Three
At Twenty Two
At Twenty One

Recognition

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there are people in and out of our lives.
some we dislike.
some we like.
some we love.
and then, even further, some we recognize.

those individuals often evoke all of the above reactions from us but, a step further, we know something more about them.
they're our people.
the people we find who feel like us.
the ones who we notice a similarity, a bond, a kinsmanship within that ties together your souls -occasionally for a season, but more often- for a lifetime.
the people we recognize are the ones who are ours and we are theirs.
not in the sense of physical ownership, but more so in a deeper spiritual sense of bother-sister-hood and accountability.
only a select few are we fortunate enough to find in our lifetime.
but once we find them, it's not just a natural state to fall into recognition with them.
it's a choice.
for the human condition is one that involves us being intrinsically selfish creatures. unchecked we are self absorbed, inwardly focused and often narcissistic.
doing life with people, fully and whole heartedly, is uncomfortable.
if we choose to be so intentional, it often results in hard lessons and tough questions asked. 
and it's often these noble few we recognize who are able to challenge us on this. pull us out of that inward absorption, and are the only ones we might listen to in fact when it comes to having our eyes opened to the error of our ways.
and so that is what i mean when i say that it is a choice. 
it is a choice because relationships are not easy.
it is a choice because we have faults, as do others.
it is a choice because we have the freedom to choose.
so if you have people like that in your life, i do so hope that you choose to recognize them.

i was recently told by someone three times my age, how they wished that they had known the importance of those people, those once-in-a-lifetime friends, when they were my age. 
and i realized that i have that realization.
this has been a very particular season in which i'm significantly grateful for being able to recognize who those people are in my life and, what's more, have the honor of doing life whole heartedly with them.
i only hope i can continue doing so and that i can help bring to them a similar measure of joy, love and awakening that they've brought to me.

Acceptance

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Pt. 1
It's an often out-of-reach thing—acceptance. 
We're told to have it in many aspects of our lives. Our bodies, our situations, ways and whys and hows in which we cannot always be in control. 
Loving myself, my body, how I was made and who I am, seems to grow harder as I age. Is it because there's more of me to accept? As I gain scars, knowledge, wisdom, insecurities, weight, problems?
Is it because my eyes and ears are opened to how much more there is in the world to influence me? Is it because my resolve has more of a chance of weakening over time?

I'm doing my best to love and accept myself -as I am exactly now- these days.

 
 
 


Pt. 2

I feel most beautiful in the morning. 
I feel as though that's telling of a truth that often escapes me later in the day. 
That who I am, here and now, before the world has a chance to touch me with it's comparisons, lies, judgements, perceptions and fears, is who I am.
My natural state. 
Naturally beautiful, not because my beauty lines up with what society conventionally calls beautiful. But because this is how I was made and that is beautiful. 
I find the most peace with myself and my being in these early hours. I'm untouched and unencumbered by the Pandora's box that is living in this day and age.
I've recognized that about myself over the years and as such try to hold the mornings sacred as they are the time in which I get to dictate how the rest of my day will go. It's the time in which I can look at myself internally and externally, free from outside influence, accept and love what I find and carry that love and acceptance with me into the rest of my day. Into the light. Into the world. For other people to see.

Longing

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and i'm longing longing longing
bursting at the seams
for a place and time and a kind of home that is yet unknown to me.

i imagine the kind of when and i imagine the kind of how but there isn't really any knowing that kind because i'm presently here right now.