i’ve had a bit of a case of writers block lately.

in truth, “lately” has lasted a few months.
i feel and think in immeasurable amounts that i want to express and convey but every time i try to, there seems to be nothing there.
i think the block has been in the way of more than just writing though.
i’ve tried talking about it with various people. i’ve tried working it out in my head. i’ve tried working it out out loud.
i’m not all the way sure what it is.
i have bits and pieces here and there, but all around there just seems to be this barrier that’s preventing me from being my true self all of the time.

i hesitated writing that sentence, and do you know why? because i care.
i care what people think.
i didn’t used to, but somehow, somewhere, i picked up that little nasty habit and i’ve had a hell of a time shaking it.

writing that sentence was hard too, admitting that out loud, in defined black and white terms, was hard.
maybe that's the first step to getting past the block though.

i wrote the above some time ago. and since then i have been doing better. but there is still something there.
still something that’s been inhibiting me from just… being.

false expectations?
failed endeavors?
fearful wonderings?
shame? fear? doubt?

such horrible cousins, all, those last three.
i’ve heard it said that fear and anger seem to intensify as they leave the body.
i feel those intensities.
but i think they are in fact on their way out.
i see the light that’s at the end of the tunnel.
i’m running toward it.