Thoughts

In The Wake

in

she told me that  was beautiful. 
a "different" beautiful.
"more" beautiful. 
over and over and over again.
and that she hated me for it.
in that sort of half-joking-but-not-really way that girls do sometimes so that they can get away with saying hurtful or deeply true things that they aren't brave enough to fully say. 
i'm not speaking of it now to brag about my beauty.
i know i am beautiful.
no i am not always secure and sure of that. but i have gotten to a place in my life where my worth isn't defined by that piece of me and i also know that truth without needing another's validation of it.

and so it's not that i am uncomfortable being told that i am beautiful. 

it's that i am uncomfortable with other women degrading their beauty in the wake of my own. 
 

Unfinished Thoughts

in

a mish mash of unfinished thoughts, brought to you from my iphone notes app. 
because i am an overly-avid-jotter-downer of thoughts that i don't always get back around to finish...ing.


-it was fall. i remember because along with the grass i was lying on there were leaves. dry. brown. prickly.

-co 52 - decrease toe until 25 sts remain

-sex and love are important aspects of life but not the summation of it. what are other things like this?

-hold onto your sea salt skin

-"if i had climbing roses and a porch swing would everything fall into place"- a thing my friend said that i want to remember

-sometimes constraints bring to life creativity

-i have a little collection of non descript "unofficial" collections of poetry because other people's bleeding hearts just get to me so

-authority is not the right to rule. it's the responsibility to serve.

-the azure gloaming. touching your skin despite the layers.

-it's better to struggle with truth and how to apply it, than to apply lies perfectly.

- ephesians 2, 2 timothy 2

-consume what you want to create

Life In Balance

in

So while perusing my blog drafts earlier this week, I came across this one from March of last year.... I'm not sure why I never got around to posting it but while the content is technically dated, I don't think the message is.
So, here you go.
Happy Sunday friends.
I hope you don't push those important things to the bottom of your lists.

"I think so often it's the things that we push to the bottom of our lists that should really be a lot closer to the top." -Siobahnn Watts

I felt as though this post written by the lovely Siobann over at Bless The Weather was just an expression of thoughts I've had myself over these last few months. 
I could try to sum it up more but really you should just go over and read it for yourself. 
Re prioritizing. Such a constant and ever changing thing. 

Howl At The Moon

in

jump out into the water and feel alive

howl at the moon

don’t wear makeup and feel beautiful 

wear pants instead of a dress

be loud when everyone else is

be quiet when everyone else is

(don’t feel the need to be opposite all of the time)

dance with that boy just because you feel like it, it doesn’t have to mean something

 —another thing i wrote in june

Making It

in

you open a window. you make a fresh pot of coffee. you put a record on. you don’t feel altogether sluggish and out of place.

old joy coming back. finally.

or something along those lines.

because sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.

here’s to making it. 

— a thing i wrote in june

An Unblocking

in

and i wrote and wrote and wrote.
with the rain coming down, pattering on the fire escape and ac unit outside my window.
i had all these thoughts. thoughts i hadn't given space, allowance or room to be expressed.
and now they were rushing, bursting, running, spilling out.
raining thoughts. thoughts of rain.
my borrowed turned stolen tea grew cold as my fingers flew across the keyboard(s).